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Today is a new day , I don’t need to use today. I’m thinking of not opening the blog with this statement any more, as It’s so repetitive and a little boring to me. The things I was told to do by certain authority figures for recovery is starting to sound very unprofessional. I feel the thinking fer recovery situations needs to be more personal and regulated closer than the current that I’m experiencing .
Do you remember when you were growing up ? Do you remember the dreams you had of the future as most girls dream of marriage , or the girls I’ve spoke with anyway. Most boys wanna be a fireman or policeman ? It’s a funny thing that I can’t remember any future dreams of mine . This kinda bothers me , as I think back and all I can recall is the quest for approval from not only parents but friends as well. The early years of mine in the armed forces was no different, as we the protectors of freedom , were not only still kids, most of us were there for someone else.I don’t wish this blog to be negative , it’s just fears of my life in the past , as without change I will not change in the future .This approval we all seek from others I feel is usually never found only because of our own thoughts of achievement . I do believe the worry of achievement starts to change the way we think , as I have gotten hard up for approval and in the end manufactured a scenario just for this purpose. I thought without this approval i was just spinning wheels so to say and life was all for nothing . The only dream or accomplishment I ever wanted that I can remember is writing a book , as that dream was short-lived with the constant sounds of who I was , just an average person in a blue-collar world.
I’m not going to return to the past much anymore , as I’m restructuring the ways of life for my future. I have settled for certain things in the approval quest , as this will not happen again . I will strive for personal happiness first , then share with another willing to share with me . The future holds something special for all of us that are willing to strive in our achievements , rather than settle for acceptance from others. We first need to accept our own short comings and build upon them. I have seen so many people just idling through this world , as I once did, but that stops now for me . I have a reason for being here and I for one … am going to find it!!!
Today Is a rainy , gloomy day in northern New York . I have a class at 4:30 pm , going with the hopes of learning . I am an addict in my own recovery, as a person recovery is the only way to beat this addiction monster. Thanks to the army I have in back of me this will be my finest success. People I feel fabulous… Have a great day..
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hey brother,just read yer blog 4 2day,and i have 2 say my friend,i believe u got the idea as u know what ive ben thru what yer goin thru,exc ept without counselin,just the want and desire 2 b the person i used 2 b.i fought many monsters of different drugs. u have 2 make yerself happy b 4 u can make any 1 else happy.once u have yer goal set,stay with it.it wont b easy,goin 2 b people and circomstances that will b put in yer path,sum good, sum bad.its the will and determination inside of u that determines how the outcome.u have people,friends u can call and depend on 2 help u and b there 4 u,without prejidice,cuz we ben there 2.im not saying professional help is misleading,but i know what worked 4 me.the memories of the people and loved 1s ive hurt dont go away,have 2 live with still 2 this day,but those memories are 1 of my drive 2 stay clean and sober,as i will never go down that road again.i luv u brother,i am behind u all the way.any time u need 2 reach out,u know how 2 contact me.
Looking back, I can’t say I remember any one thing in particular as far as dreams of what I wanted for the future, but rather several things. Maybe when we’re young, dreams tend to evolve and change over time, making it harder to remember a specific dream for the future..that’s kind of how it feels for me at times. One great thing is it’s never too late to have dreams of our future and go after them. I think the seeking of approval is built into most of us at least a little. You have such a great attitude, and you’re doing so well with focusing on what works best for you. Keep focusing on you..and enjoy working toward your dreams. Keep it up Tim, you’re doing great!