Today is a new day , I don’t need to use today… Our weekend in Springfield Mass has ended , It was a very nice weekend with family and friends. I have been thinking a lot of how things were between my family and I and the difference’s in this weekend . I am coming to certain conclusions of how I must maintain my composure in more demanding situations . Our adventure flying Saturday was an awesome experience , as our young and up coming pilot was very knowledgable and talented . I did notice how unplugged I have been towards most of the younger generation of my family . I learned this weekend some things about this as I really am interested in there lives and dreams .
It has been said to most of us ( just be the bigger person ) , I have been thinking about this a lot here recently. I doubt very much if I have ever been this person , all the time thinking I was . I have been hung up on this subject as most of us worry ( to a certain degree ) about others thinking badly about our lifestyles. I have been striving here lately to concentrate on being this bigger person as this is a big difference for me and I do slip back to my norm of speaking before thinking. I do know as an addict this was always a worry of mine but all the time I was trying to project this person I wasn’t so having to prove my actions came first. Being an addict was full of thoughts of how I could make these addictions seem as they were normal and needed. I was always trying to prove to myself that what I was doing is the normal way of life. The few sober people I did have interaction with probably thought this abnormal as I was looking for reassurance from everyone for my decisions. I will become this bigger person as I am conscious of this more and more.
I hope all have an awesome day …I feel great
- What I love about weekends! (somethinghigher.wordpress.com)
- Why the Long Day? (pivotalpiffle.com)
- weekends (kperj.wordpress.com)
- Diablo III open beta weekend announced (gamesradar.com)
- Making Most Of The Weekends By Doing Nothing (movebacktwosquares.wordpress.com)
I just love your blog and how positive you are being and how honest you are. It really warms my heart. I am enjoying, I guess, the “thinking out loud” style of your writing. It reminds me of similar epiphanies I had. XO
I can relate to you thoughts here. The trying to control people and things so they saw me the way I wanted needed them to. Today, clean and sober, I understand that my fear that people would see me as less than, was in fact one of the reasons I used. Now, not using and drinking and with some time doing a bit of soul searching, I finally have no more secrets. No more fear that I will be discovered. Finally I am free to be who and what I really am. I do what feels right in my heart and not because I am concerned, at all, about how others think about what I do. Notice I said in my heart there, not in my mind, the way I did when I was using. Under the influence, I decided what was right based solely on what needed to be right so I could keep using.
Doing what’s right in my heart has required me to make alot of changes. I have had to do some hard things that have confused and hurt a few people. It was not my intent to do so of course, but no longer living my life to impress and please people, I discovered that some of those people were not that interesting to me. And surprising to me, it was not always the ones I thought it was going to be.
Good luck with your sobriety journey!
Thanks for your thoughts … I am confused a lot here lately , trying to sort things out
I remember that to. On those kinda days I was told that all I had to do was stay clean and the rest would follow. And you know what, it’s true.