I was outside tonight looking up at the sky. This anxiety was hitting me pretty hard and I thought I would walk and breathe a little . I was set back because of the fear that was going through me. I have never been afraid of much until now , it seems little things are different from what they were . Am I going insane.? Do I have to relearn simple things of life ? Will this pain and darkness ever end ? I have abused drugs for about 28 years at one point or another, is that too much ? Can someone have a normal life after such magnitude of abuse? The questions in my head will not stop, It is a never-ending circle of thought from good to bad to good . Will I ever be able to look up and see beauty in the stars? The thing in the end that scares the life out of me is …. Will I ever love myself again ???? It keeps me up at night….