This is a new day…I don’t need to use today..This weekend has not been good for me. Yesterday I felt like i was slipping backwards into a pit of anxiety and worry. This did worry me for some time, I did however come thru this without the use of drugs or cigarettes. I do feel good because of this , however its has shown me how delicate I am currently. The situation began when I thought I was ready for a simple outing , the more I thought of this the more it worried me…I’m really wanting to get out and socialize with others ,however I need to be careful of where and how i meet. I know I am thinking different , had this been a couple of months ago I wouldn’t have thought about this at all. I would have been there no matter what the outcome. I do feel horrible about backing out after curtain people had planned on this. This is one of the first times I have thought about my feelings over someone else’s , Is this wrong..? I would have put myself in harm’s way to protect others in my past… I don’t want to do this anymore… my life means more now .. I ‘m sick of losing for the sake of others. the way I look at this whole thing is …If these people don’t understand and respect my situation maybe I don’t need them in my life… I just hope they do.. I really would hate to end something that’s positive and good for me.
Like I have said my first group meeting was on Friday at 1 pm . I didn’t think I got much from this meeting , however as the days go by it has made me think of my prior life with drugs. I have ( in my mind ) learned a lot , but as I think more about this situation I need to learn so much more. There are things happening to me that are amazing me day-to-day. I am somewhat turning humble , an action I never thought would have happened. The ways of thought in the past to now have changed so much in 6 and a half weeks is unprecedented for me . The urgency of my life to get back to normal is fading by the week , as I am finally at peace with the significance of this problem ..being an ongoing fight for the rest of my life. I also think mt mind is in ways opening further.. as we all say ( I will have an open mind ) but do we…? I think not , we all have curtain reservations on specific subjects . We all have OUR WAY to do things … It’s a constant compromise to succeed in this world . Lets face it …some people are not up to it. What do we do in this situation … leave these people be .. or give in to their way of doing things ..? This really gets to me ..it seems that no one wins and this causes me worry. Friends overall this weekend has been a bust for me ..I have had bad feelings and didn’t like how things worked out , however I’m still alive and kicking and I did this without the use of drugs or cigarettes …so this was a winning weekend. Friends I feel alive …Trust me..!!