Today I have a one on one meeting with my primary counselor as well as a group meeting that follows. I’m not to sure the help I’m getting from the meetings I’m having here but I think I will complete this program just for the sake of not quitting. The information they share is of quality that could be found anywhere online . The recent video shown was from a BBC special . Now please I’m not complaining , I just thought for a program of this caliber the information and delivery would be a little different.
The one thing that’s really bothering me lately is lack of friendship/companionship , not to be confused with an intimate relationship. Just growing socially without the association with drugs seems to be a harder pursuit than expected. I was always one to make friends easily , more easily than most as I could adapt to most situations without fear. Looking back at some of these situations of friendship , I see that probably half of these so-called friends never were true friendships at all even from the beginning. The loneliness and boredom are a very bad combination for persons in my situation , at least for me it is. That’s when my thoughts take over and pull out all stops to cure boredom as we all know the easiest way to do that. I am thinking about going to college , but don’t think the friend thing will be much better there as I’m sure there will be some my age but most are somewhat younger. That kinda bothers me too, blending in is going to be a lot harder for someone my age rather than teens straight from high school. It could be I’m afraid to make friendships as I’ve lost almost everyone that I had due to drug problems or something stemming from addiction. I have lost many friendships that could have survived without the addictions that I had , but were they worth keeping ..?
I have felt in the recent past the lack of ground I was gaining , not for fighting addiction but just life in general . I guess this is just a rut that we all get into…? I,m not to good with ruts because I would be searching for relief before this would happen . I wish this program was more involved with the problems that lead to addiction rather than the education on how drugs influence the brain. I do have interest in this area as well, but understanding peer pressure and other triggers in my opinion would help in abundance . The reading I’m doing is beginning to be repetitive , as the opinions are all pointing in the same direction. It’s a sunny day here , as the mood is rising for the nice spring weather. I hope you all have a great weekend , get out and try to enjoy this weather , as that’s what I’m going to do..try anyway!!
Everyone I feel good…