Today is a new day, I don’t need to use today . I am feeling more at peace than the last week or so, as I am sure the Chantix I was taking for the nicotine addiction has been playing out its last effects on my body. I do need to say honestly that Chantix also had positive effects on me that were beyond the expectations of nicotine abuse. I do believe it somehow helped me with anxiety or depression , I know this makes no sense but I do feel differently than before.
I am dealing so well with the lonely feelings lately, that being alone for me seems to be almost a different norm. I’ve never dealt with being alone very well in the past which has partly defined my relationships. I have never felt tranquil around most , yet I longed for the socialization of others. This was very confusing for me but I’m learning that loneliness isn’t always bad . I was asked recently if I had a shoulder to cry on , In one sense I do and in another I don’t . I have family here and other friends that I could talk with and feel somewhat better . The thing that’s missing is the personal contact with the one person meant for me . I know this will come with time , I’m feeling better about this day by day. I do fear the loneliness as when this happens , I tend to cling to the first person I come in contact with , so begins this little game of wondering who to speak with and who to ignore. The further with this I go , usually the bigger the ignore list gets and I go into hibernation. I am really working on the clingy thing and being free of addiction may make this easier to accomplish.
I see lots of people bury their face in their phone as a way to “hide” in a crowd. I’ve done it. You probably have too , is this good for us ? Are we that scared of others that we hide ourselves from this multitude of people ? I think I for one am a little scared , even more so now that I’ve come clean to everyone about these addictions . Some people I know are different when speaking directly to me , as when there out of my hearing range . I do try to avoid these people , it seems some are hard to notice until to late. I am resistant to most relationships now due to the frustration of being fraudulent. WE all need the unconditional love that’s desired by all . When this is found , I will be at peace..
My name is Tim …email is email@example.com if you would like to send a comment in a more private forum please feel welcome too. I’m feeling excited today as I’m traveling to Massachusetts for the week-end. Hope all have a great day and hope to see you tomorrow…!!!!
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