Today is a new day, I don’t need to use today . I am feeling more at peace than the last week or so, as I am sure the Chantix I was taking for the nicotine addiction has been playing out its last effects on my body. I do need to say honestly that Chantix also had positive effects on me that were beyond the expectations of nicotine abuse. I do believe it somehow helped me with anxiety or depression , I know this makes no sense but I do feel differently than before.
I am dealing so well with the lonely feelings lately, that being alone for me seems to be almost a different norm. I’ve never dealt with being alone very well in the past which has partly defined my relationships. I have never felt tranquil around most , yet I longed for the socialization of others. This was very confusing for me but I’m learning that loneliness isn’t always bad . I was asked recently if I had a shoulder to cry on , In one sense I do and in another I don’t . I have family here and other friends that I could talk with and feel somewhat better . The thing that’s missing is the personal contact with the one person meant for me . I know this will come with time , I’m feeling better about this day by day. I do fear the loneliness as when this happens , I tend to cling to the first person I come in contact with , so begins this little game of wondering who to speak with and who to ignore. The further with this I go , usually the bigger the ignore list gets and I go into hibernation. I am really working on the clingy thing and being free of addiction may make this easier to accomplish.
I see lots of people bury their face in their phone as a way to “hide” in a crowd. I’ve done it. You probably have too , is this good for us ? Are we that scared of others that we hide ourselves from this multitude of people ? I think I for one am a little scared , even more so now that I’ve come clean to everyone about these addictions . Some people I know are different when speaking directly to me , as when there out of my hearing range . I do try to avoid these people , it seems some are hard to notice until to late. I am resistant to most relationships now due to the frustration of being fraudulent. WE all need the unconditional love that’s desired by all . When this is found , I will be at peace..
My name is Tim …email is firstname.lastname@example.org if you would like to send a comment in a more private forum please feel welcome too. I’m feeling excited today as I’m traveling to Massachusetts for the week-end. Hope all have a great day and hope to see you tomorrow…!!!!
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. This blog contains material protected under International and Federal Copyright Laws and Treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited. No part of this blog may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without express written permission from the author / publisher.