Age-standardised disability-adjusted life year (DALY) rates from Drug use disorders by country (per 100,000 inhabitants). (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Today is a new day . I don’t need to use today . The weather here is atrocious , as it’s snowing and raining . I am having a very confusing day , I know or rather I think I know what I want to do , but scared to put anything in motion due to possible failure . I have failed miserably over and over in my life and can’t take anymore chances .
Addiction is a terrible thing to have on your mind everyday of your life. I get angry with myself at certain times for the complete waste and failure of my past. There have been a variety of problems leading to my life’s failures as relationships , emotional problems , drug addiction etc . I now am thinking soberly and looking back on these failures and wonder , why should I even try again . The likelihood of failure in the future is a bigger possibility for a recovering addict than anybody. I am early in recovery and learning new things daily but some days it doesn’t seem to be worth the bother. I am in my late 4o’s and it seems for the remaining time i do have why bother . I don’t think I can hurt any worse than I do now, weather doing drugs or not. It’s a bad day with thoughts of bad things . I’m trying to deal with emotions I can’t handle without help. I feel inanimate …
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timzauto.... in search of the blond haired kid 
I was just searching around the blogosphere for health topics and saw this.
I wish you all the very best – keep going!
Thanks….
You have previously posted about allowing people, others as well as yourself, to have and reveal the natural feelings we have as humans. Supporters have continually reminded you to take one day at a day. We all need to heed both of these sentiments continuously. Today is one of those “one day at a time” days. It sounds to me like your goal for today is to get through today. Some days are just that way. Allow yourself to feel the feelings and remind yourself that just feeling them is a good thing. The fact that you FEEL them, that you are no longer numb to them, is such a good thing – even when the feelings are shitty ones. Accept the bad with the good and praise yourself for saving the rest of your life. Look forward, not back. Only look at the past for what positive purpose you can get out of that reflection to use for your present and future. Allow yourself to have a bad day but remember that is all it is – a bad day. Tomorrow is a new day.
Thanks Sandy, yes getting through this day would be awesome..lol
Sandy is absolutely right, every word. Only take what you can learn from the past, and that’s it..that’s how it benefits you. You have an advantage over those painful memories in that you can take what you need, and leave the past where it belongs.. far behind you. It can’t hurt you anymore. There’s a chance of failure in everything we do, for everyone, the difference is that the only true failure is not trying. If we fail, we find out why.. and we get right back up and try again. That’s how we get stronger, and that’s what we can use to drive us. Sandy made a great point..feeling these things on a really bad day like this is a good thing. Numbing those feelings only makes things so much worse. You caught this monster and you’re beating it..but when it lingers on a really bad day like this, keep pushing forward and take a look at how well you’ve done. Look at your blogs, and the responses, look at the physical changes, the fact that you’re getting better, feeling healthier, looking younger..all of it. The bad days can hit us like a truck.. but let yourself have this day.. reach out to friends, so many care about you..and talk it out. Put on some great music..relax a bit.. and before you know it, tomorrow will be here, and it will be much better.
Thanks Patricia I will make this day…
My boyfriend said he went through similar “blank” feelings after he stopped abusing alcohol. I imagine it will be tough at times. It’s like learning how to walk again. Well that’s the way I’m thinking of it. Your brain is rewiring itself. Hang in. You have so many on your side, though I know that’s hard to keep in mind or maybe even care about when you’re struggling. Sometimes when I had very hard days, it didn’t matter that anyone cared. I just hurt too much to care! Please be very, very kind to yourself. You deserve your love. ♥
HUGS. Hope you feel better. We all have bad days….and you are never too old to start again. We kinda had this conversation the other day when I told you my friend Jesse said that I was too old to be single again. That no one would want me because of my age and that people would think there was something wrong with me because I was single at my age…..remember what you said? NONSENSE! Same applies to you. You will be happy again. Trust and believe God has a plan for you. Take care of yourself first and really “take it one day at a time” because that is all you really CAN do at this point.
You are doing better than most addicts. Pat yourself on the back : )
If you ever need to talk I am here.
Thanks for the nice words Christy…
I remember some quote I’ve heard about how a person who has never failed has never tried. I believe that. I have a lot of things I look on in my life and wish I’d done differently in some ways…and then I think I am who I am because of every bit of it. One thing that has helped me is learning to look at each mistake or bad thing in my life as sort of just a moment in time. I can choose to carry it with me to the next moment and ruin that one too, or I can let it go and leave it there and do what I can to make the next moment better. You can do this. Blessings! Anne
After reading the comments, above, you are developing a support group, along with finding a place here on WordPress to express yourself. Keep writing. You like writing. Keep writing. People are reading. Keep writing…
Thank you for the kind words …I look at my support as an army ..to help me fight this dreaded affliction , I do love to write ….lol not real sure if any of it makes sense ..but it makes me feel better…
That’s the ticket! Doesn’t matter whether others like or not. It satisfies you to write. Besides, your writings are certainly of interest to all the ones who comment on your site. Keep writing…