Today is Friday , and the weekend is upon us once again . I don’t need to use today, and the thought of this is fading fast . Finally the nicotine urges have let up as this feeling I have no comparison for . It’s kinda like the saying goes ( a monkey on your back ) , I wish this feeling on no one . I am grateful for this wretched feeling to succumb , as I can see why some never make it to this point in abstinence.
I have a genuine interest in writing and believe I always have . I have only recently pursued this as I was brought up to believe men worked in a blue-collar field . I have no one to blame for this , only the way I thought and received information . I have siblings that work in both fields as in white and blue-collar positions . I think my ego as a man was a crucial factor in my decision making early in my life , and has been up to recent events . I do know thinking back I had a barrage of ego driven aphorisms on what real men are meant to be . I also had interest in things most young boys do , and they seemed to take charge in my early life. The thoughts of being a mechanic on a race team had intoxicated me and the ambiance of this lifestyle had a certain addictive appeal to a young man.
I do think addiction is a life changing experience and career is a huge part of this change. It would seem to me I’m on a quest for education , and looking for my place in this world . I’m not sure where that place is , and at the age of 48 am surprised I haven’t found it yet. I’m always wondering if there are people out there that have the same feelings I do about their choice of lifestyle or career choice late in life. In the days prior to mine , the thing was just not to expose your thoughts on this matter just to suck it up and do it . I’m not sure which way is best , but I couldn’t imagine going through one more day of my being by doing something not satisfying to me both mentally and physically. The recent fights I have had with my life’s addictions have most definitely changed my career path as in no way will I be satisfied with the employment I have had in the past. The associations of these past career paths is another severe problem of my complete abstinence , as I’m not sure these associations can be broken for me.
I do hope all have a blessed weekend ….Thanks for reading
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