Another month has gone , I’m taking things slowly as it seems everyone wants . I am now seeing the actual difficulties in relapse and carrying on as an addict whom functions as a productive citizen with in our society . Most all of us think of addiction as going to rehab and everything will be ok , I will let you know this is false . The reason most relapse and never succeed is because of the urges . Early in my rehabilitation I thought these people are nuts ” what urges ” I don’t even have them . I am nearing the end of my educational class in out-patient rehab and these urges have been getting stronger and stronger by the day. I have battled them to success , however I feel as if I’m being followed by this plague , this monster is leering at me from the night , looking in the windows of my being to see if I will falter . I lay awake in bed trying to sleep as this villain the same that stole pieces of my life hides in the dark waiting for me too give in . It’s like a double-edged sword , if I obsess too much I will get tired and give in for my sanity , if I gain too much strength and lose touch I will forget and relapse . The perfect combination of memory and forgotten memory’s are needed for the success of my addictions .
I have changed medication from an anti anxiety too a anti-depressant . It has been almost a month and the new medication is balancing out . I am feeling better in some ways but struggling in others . I have come to the harsh truth about my life , as I have lived in the moment rather than looking to the future . The faster easier way of life rather the secure , safe and slower life enjoyed by most of my family and friends . Sometimes this has worked out in my favor , mostly it hasn’t . I’m far from the smartest of people , but I have portrayed a person of less intelligence than I actually am on purpose .. The past was a barter for me as I traded off acquiring and buying drugs for companionship . The part that makes no sense is I knew this when it happened and just played dumb . I wanted the recognition from these people , as the would play along and tell me what I wanted to hear . These past few months it has made me climb walls and panic to no end , but finally I have come to the greatest truth of all alone or not tomorrow will come , fail or not tomorrow comes with new chances .
If we truly are a creature of habit , this habit I have built for thirty years is going to be a challenge to beat . I have been drug free for 15 weeks and one day , I have also been free from cigarettes for 11 weeks and one day . I do enjoy my blog and posting to 20 Lines a day as well . I love reading your comments and your blogs as well , so Thank you all , for in small ways , your being a big part of my recovery . So my search will continue for the balance of life , it is getting within view now that the fog in my thinking is beginning to clear.. Thanks for your support ..
- Knee Deep in Relapse (inquisitivemadness.wordpress.com)
- “Challenges” An Addiction Rehab Treatment & Relapse Prevention Program Sponsors Recovery Radio Show (prweb.com)
- The View From The Sidelines (redeemedsocialite.com)
- New Release Offers Imaginative Roadmap to Relapse Prevention; Book by Michael Hoffman (prweb.com)