I have reached this plateau , I think it’s the most confusing thing , more than anything I’ve been through . When you feel improvement happening daily , even weekly there’s always feelings of betterment . The slowness of things now are distressing , they seem to crawl . I’m filling my days with things that steal my thoughts from thinking of my situation as much . Sometimes it even slips my mind completely , only to return at times harder from a tiny thing as hearing a name . I can’t fight some of the thoughts I have , they overtake me easily . When the self-made logic appears , it shows up as a feeling of betrayal to myself , all along being tricks from the disease , this affliction . Some call this a monster , I refer to it as a demon , it’s a demon that’s planted deep in our identity , our individuality is changed from daily life choices made wrong , compounded by the intake of temporary happiness , after years changing the regular function of our chemistry . Fighting for the return of our inner being from these demons , I see as my fight for a lifetime .
I feel as a disabled person from time to time , crippled from surroundings , covered by thoughts of restlessness. There is no stopping of this locomotive storming through my head , at times weighing on me so hard I can’t think . I sit staring at nothing , empty thoughts , maybe scared to attentions to one thing . I’m worried for the first time about my future , I had been carefree , a child at heart, now it’s serious , the thinking of succeeding is getting distant . I will never stop fighting this , however the fight may get shorter . As I gain consciousness over thought or dreams of my future , I’m feeling my mortality take over my continuing years .