Today I have a certain few things to be proud of , I did go into a social situation yesterday and did pretty good . I was confronted with cigarettes and didn’t fall victim to them . I didn’t last long in a crowd of people , but did handle anxiety and stresser’s very well . I continue to learn life skills previously lost , things being on a different level than my lifestyle was familiar with . The once adventurous person in me has been reverted to a more apprehensive personality . My thinking is beginning to change somewhat , concerned with simpler things that hold importance in day-to-day living have taken over a life filled with neglect of security and health .
Addictive Relationship (definition) The relationship addict feels a sense of incompleteness, emptiness, despair, and sadness that he or she seeks to remedy by connecting with another. The relationship is viewed as a means of meeting one’s needs for love, attention, and security rather than as a shared experience. The addictive relationship becomes an arena for trying to resolve unfinished business from the past. For me this is a stepping stone to regain drug addiction , meaning that this illness of addiction uses our ( our being the addict ) minds against us . We feel the need to reconnect or continue these relationships knowing they are corruptible and usually violent . I do have a battle going on still in this arena , it’s so hard in some instances just to forget .
I have been almost five months sober and clean , the phases of sobriety are several , for me . I have felt many things, most being my own mind or actions trying to trick me back into addiction . I have held firm, as some of these attacks have been severe . I continuously ask myself why I’m fighting this battle , hopefully the day never comes when I can’t answer this question .
I have made a few acquaintances , that I can trust to turn into friendships of the right caliber . I no longer worry of being associated with this sort . I have always been apart of this group of people , only to claim to be something else . The simple truth of my wasted years is summed up to not being who I really am . It’s a hard truth to choke down after 30 years of waste , the only good thing about the thought is it could have been a lifetime .
I sure do thank any and all that have helped me put this corrupt and unhealthy life behind me , as well as forgiveness of the things perpetrated against others . One day I will feel good enough with myself to stop apologizing . til that day please bear with me . Thanks for your support …..Tim