Feb 8th 2012 was a day that changed my life in a huge way. I have remained drug free since that day through thick and thin. I however have learned different things about addictions , the biggest being it is a lifetime commitment (almost a battle on some days). I remain socially damaged as I either don’t trust myself in certain situations or not fit in with the group I am with. True friendship eludes me , maybe I’m just scared to engage…
I still don’t feel joy as most do, I’m not sure why this is still afflicting me as maybe I just need more time to heal. I have been out of my program for about 10 months and some times wish I was still going .
I’m thinking about going to some self-help groups again , the problem I have is I work out-of-town and live in a rural area with limited support for mental or dependency problems. Going to a meeting on the road maybe a solution I need to look into as well. It seems most people who haven’t had addiction problems themselves or been close to someone with an addiction problem know what we go through when trying to adjust to a life of drug free life.
I do know I ‘m not happy with my current situation. I feel like I’m hiding from things , be it socially or just everyday life. I am not happy with settling for the job I have as I have done bigger and better things while being addicted. I truly want to be further educated , my thoughts are look your fifty now by the time I would receive a degree I would be in my mid fifty’s. I don’t think I would be hired by any company so I need to go with what i know.
I do look back on what I wasted….it makes me feel like I’m different from others ….a runner , running from my life.
The day will come when I stop running and start living…..
Thanks for reading …Please share , like and comment…timzauto
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