timzauto.... in search of the blond haired kid
I lit a cigarette driving home from work that day. Raindrops lightly hit the windshield and made a tiny knocking noise . The vibration from the phone seemed so loud as the quiet rushed in from all directions. I quickly checked the message knowing the news would be bad. The time we had together has been cut yet again. As I drove on the silence was almost horrifyingly calm.The time for me to see you was running out. I drifted as thoughts stampeded through me not know how final this day would be. We rushed by your side everyone struggling with the fact nothing could be done. Watching your breathing get smaller and smaller we waited in agony. Then as fast as life begins your breathing stopped. I looked around the room at everyone’s face holding their breath hoping it wasn’t the last time we could talk to you, hoping it wasn’t the last time we could hold you, laugh with you. The silence in the room was almost deadly.
The sun had been hidden for a week now, all I remember was my sister and two brothers on Christmas eve. The air was dry as the cold December temperature had the furnace running most of the day. The windows frozen from every spec of moisture pulled from the air but still the was some kind of special element present. The anxiousness I felt not being able to sit still, the smell of food being cooked was better that night. It was like magic as everyone forgot about their personal problems. We all talked and played without a care. The time slipped by so fast I didn’t want it end even knowing the next morning would be the greatest day of the year. I see this as if it were yesterday but the sun didn’t show , the sun has been hidden for a week now
Following closely, but unconnected
Events unfolding , with differences detected
Promise was made , no change accepted
Following closely, the rule expected
A thousand years , silently neglected
Warm and cold , to a soul injected
Breaking society , a love infected
Shattering dreams , to feel protected
Awaking now , life’s end projected
Disease runs fast , our love selected
future focus slipping
the boulders of past return
the scent of completion thinning
vision of reality’s burn
unwanted opinions exploding
a lightning strike that’s near
souls in the back ground whisper
I turn they disappear
struggle without retention
movement with no path
acts of violence filtered
consumption of your wrath
the sky is always burning
anxiety at it’s peak
emotion keeps erupting
heartbeat getting weak
Reblogged on WordPress.com
Source: To return is not fate
Meeting again this way
I’ve seen all your best
World full of choices
Not considering the rest
Decisions not caring
My eyes full of want
Your aroma addicting
My senses they taunt
Watching the minutes
Till I see you next
Your thoughts so consuming
our minds having sex
If fate is a real path
My return no surprise
Rejecting the bitterness
Our flame never dies
Floating this sea of uncertainty
Memories flashing by
Moving feelings forward
Acting like I’m shy
Remembering of my dreamland
Is this coming real
Standing here together
Speaking how we feel
If I said yes then would you
Walk with me tonight
Silence in the moonlight
A neverending sight
Almost a lifetime
Just passed me by
Living in loneliness
Sigh after sigh
Not knowing real happiness
Alone in my mind
Roads left untraveled
Me in a bind
Meetings were merely random
Moving closer all the time
Then one day astoundingly
I also heard a chime
Wrinkles disappearing
Smile is growing fast
Feelings finding mutual
Hoping love will last…
Waiting for existence
I fell back several times
Side way vision only
Never hearing chimes
Waking from this ugliness
Like putting glasses on
Seeing all I’ve missed before
A picture freshly drawn
Seen this face a thousand times
Never knowing what was real
Is this the way my life can be
Or memory’s will they steal
Sometimes our best is in front of us
Other-times we bend in shame
I’m looking so much closer now
For me there’s no one to blame
I never had an extreme thought before that night. I stood like a statue in a winter storm, a blustery whirlwind of thoughts racing around me as I couldn’t move.
That morning was like no other , every ritual was followed as any other day. The drive to work had appeared to take for ever but was also event free. I parked in my usual spot and exited the car ,as I turned to walk into the building a women ran up to me grabbing my arm pulling me between two cars. Expressions of fear emitted from her shaking body. Her tear stained face looked as if she hadn’t slept that night. I was looking in all directions for her attackers but there wasn’t a soul around . As I looked back she had disappeared, freakishly I looked around but didn’t see a thing. I rushed into the building telling no one of my sights.
I strolled in the doors and things inside were different. The smell was of burnt electricity , almost gut wrenching I covered my mouth and nose as I slowed to a crawl spying in every direction. I moved slowly down the hallway in the direction of the elevator . I peered in one office door to see if a friend had made it in . The office was well lit as I drifted slowly in . I called out a name but got nothing in return. A loud crash spilled out of the hallway as I turned to look a voice called my name from the office across the hall. My skin crawling I edged towards the door…..
To be continued ….
Thanks for reading , Please stay tuned for more…
I’ve been thinking here lately about new year resolutions and how we put in needed stress on ourselves . We often shoot for the stars and wish upon unrealistic goals that can’t or won’t be met. For me it’s one day at a time with a few short term goals… It keeps my stress level a lot lower.
Another thing I’ve been thinking about lately is regret. I hate it when people say I have no regrets in the way I lived my life…… Well …. I guess they have lived a perfect life without bad decisions . I do have regrets … I have had things such as relationships I held dearly that ended due to my actions or bad decision making… This in my opinion is one of the hardest things to get over …. For some of my regrets I don’t think I ever will
Countless stars
In a snow filled sky
My dreams are
standing still
Wishing now
To loose regrets
They never
Go away
I in the past year or two have been starting my life over …pretty much from nothing. I have done so years ago but this time being older and the job market, economy being bad it has been much harder. Patience is something I’ve never really had as now I am much better but …..it seems I’m waiting for things that may never happen again.
Ok so here it is ..I have lived in a different place for several years , moving back home things have changed some ….people being different, loosing contact with others and well you know friends moving on with their lives . After maybe a year I thought to myself YEAH…Ill go online and check out the dating sites and see if there are any people I know in the area. I set a profile on two different sites, first of all if you don’t know these sorts of sites …they are filled with bait and switch people. I mean most that have a profile have either photos 10 years old or pictures depicting something far from what they really are. I’m not sure why anyone would put themselves out there for rejection like that then complain about it.
I talked to a few people I have never met being there wasn’t anyone on these sites I knew. In maybe a month I agreed to meet one of the best ( I thought ) that I had spoken too. Well……first of all one of the questions on the profile was …Do you have a car… a simple question to answer as this person answered yes…. I show up to meet this person at her house , which is probably not a good idea for a first time . I asked why she didn’t want to meet in a public place…she told me she didn’t have a license and the car wasn’t registered …lol but she answered the question correctly….She did have a car… it seems to me if you are truly looking for a “long-term relationship” you would describe yourself as true as one could… or maybe I’m just being petty.
Sooo here we go ….out on a date …there were several things I seen in this person that I didn’t really like a whole lot ….but being the impatient person I was ….I thought compromise is a big value in a relationship and let it go for a while. On our fourth date I just couldn’t “compromise” anymore. I let her know that this wasn’t the relationship I wanted and we both need to move on.
I …the person that thinks into thinks way to much had come to the point that I was just going to be alone for what maybe the rest of my life. After a few weeks I thought of calling this person and maybe giving this another try maybe this was all me and I need to just go with the flow so to speak….and then it came to me ….you wouldn’t by a pair of shoes on sale that you always wanted one size to small …so why would you try to make a relationship fit just because its something you want…. I hope one and all has a Merry Christmas and I truly hope all of you have a great and prosperous new year…
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As I was reading Facebook looking for information from friends on news of the storm .. I was really put back at what I seen. More than half of the people I knew were complaining about the power situation . I thought to myself …wow.. these professionals have been assembled from all over New England to come here and assist our own with repairing the damage in a precise manner . These people risk it all to insure power is repaired at the soonest time possible. They are the unsung hero’s of this the worst storm in a decade in northern New York. We all need to applaud the job they do for us all.
Some things with take a lot longer to repair…. Damage to trees with take years to repair… An ice storm will decimate the lands..as I’m writing this the freezing rain moves in to the third day. Trees have been pushed beyond their limits , weak limbs have already fallen off . Walking around outside the only sound you hear is snapping and cracking of tree limbs, also the constant noise coming from the fallen branches that just can’t hold on any further. The Ice being so thick on top of the snow one can walk on top without falling through. I can only imagine what has happen to the animals in the woods as all food has been encapsulated in a thick layer of this frozen precipitation..
An ice storm is such a delicate thing.. conditions on more than one level have to be perfect, now for an Ice event of this magnitude to happen is just a freak of nature..
Photo courtesy www.accuweather.com
Photo courtesy www.accuweather.com
we have almost two inches of ice on some spots…an inch to an inch and a half on most trees
Check out this link it is from Canton New York ..a town about 11 miles from me . New York Ice Storm Leaves Thousands Without Power….. …http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/12/22/ice-storm-new-york-vermont_n_4488692.html
Ice storm emergency continues across the North Country – See more at: http://blogs.northcountrypublicradio.org/inbox/2013/12/21/north-country-braces-for-ice-storm/
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More to come….
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http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/12/18/prompt-mr-grinch/
I do have quality’s in others that I hate …it’s a funny thing , they are good quality’s sooo I guess my worst is jealousy…I watch others especially during the Christmas holidays . Most are bustling around doing their holiday shopping , decorating , ….you know in the holiday spirit. Me ….ummm well it’s not that I’m a Scrooge … but it’s just harder for me to feel the same joy as others…. I do fake many sentiments as I crawl though this time of year.
Jealousy ….The green-eyed monster..
So jealousy has raise its ugly head …. I know the problem ….that’s half way to finding a cure…anyhow I wish all a happy holiday season ….REALLY I’m not faking….
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gazing my deserted mind I loft above above my panic searching for love eluding my grasp I run in pain visions are shaded failing to gain flight now is ending confidence gives in sitting in solitude never will win
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Bounding about
Snow flying high
Looking up
At the light in the sky
Night weighing deep
The darkness is dull
Flakes are still falling
Without any lull
Serene is the cold
That chills to the bone
Radiates from the snowfall
A path I am shown
It always seems lighter
In a snowstorm I see
Not sure for you
I know it for me
shadows appearing in light of the day adding to loneliness breeding decay invade from behind conflicting with pleasure hiding in trees depicting souls measure trolling in dreams remaining unseen continuance never-ending hostile shadows in between
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Unexpectedly, you lose your job. (Or a loved one. Or something or someone important to you.) What do you do next?
Photographers, artists, poets: show us LOSS.
Thanks to The Daily Post for these and many more prompts.. Please visit them at http://wordpress.com/tag/daily-prompt
Losing loved ones
leaves are falling , like unwanted pain
days grow shorter , my thinking turns vain
colors around us , we miss them each day
the penitence of life we all will once sway
my journey has started with all that I knew
since then my knowledge , I try to construe
life has its meanings , we must find our own
once it is found , we then must atone
this journey continues day after day
emotion , strength and courage are all on display
leaves are still falling , pain turns to reign
overcome with thought , I try to abstain
Please Remember to share , like and comment…timzauto
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I think many are searching … the truth has escaped our way of life…
if I see it
will it be real
is it a picture
I need to conceal
floating in darkness
moving to sound
thoughts being concocted
something I’ve found
success is fictitious
our egos pretended
most of the time
our past is invented
truth being simulated
gets deeper with time
longer we live
the harder we climb
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Feb 8th 2012 was a day that changed my life in a huge way. I have remained drug free since that day through thick and thin. I however have learned different things about addictions , the biggest being it is a lifetime commitment (almost a battle on some days). I remain socially damaged as I either don’t trust myself in certain situations or not fit in with the group I am with. True friendship eludes me , maybe I’m just scared to engage…
I still don’t feel joy as most do, I’m not sure why this is still afflicting me as maybe I just need more time to heal. I have been out of my program for about 10 months and some times wish I was still going .
I’m thinking about going to some self-help groups again , the problem I have is I work out-of-town and live in a rural area with limited support for mental or dependency problems. Going to a meeting on the road maybe a solution I need to look into as well. It seems most people who haven’t had addiction problems themselves or been close to someone with an addiction problem know what we go through when trying to adjust to a life of drug free life.
I do know I ‘m not happy with my current situation. I feel like I’m hiding from things , be it socially or just everyday life. I am not happy with settling for the job I have as I have done bigger and better things while being addicted. I truly want to be further educated , my thoughts are look your fifty now by the time I would receive a degree I would be in my mid fifty’s. I don’t think I would be hired by any company so I need to go with what i know.
I do look back on what I wasted….it makes me feel like I’m different from others ….a runner , running from my life.
The day will come when I stop running and start living…..
Thanks for reading …Please share , like and comment…timzauto
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The sense of touch I think is one of the first things we learn as infants….
walking in rain light chill on my face warm touch of a hand loves heart encased touch of a loved one feelings can't be replaced glowing in my soul puts a smile on my face Find this and more prompts at The Daily Post Thanks for reading ...Please share <le and comment...Thanks
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Withering personal value
Our streets are at war
Youthful indecision’s
Dreaming never more
Attacking society’s policy
Changes coming fast
Looking in the mirror
Hoping it will last
Smoothly flowing corruption
Never seems to end
Pushing to its limits
All we do is bend
Waiting for a savior
Trying hard to open this door
Youthful indecision’s
Dreaming never more
I am one of many that never believed in afterlife, religious beings etc … I took this picture over a year ago and it got me to thinking. I’m not sure what or who this picture is, or what it even means . I’m gonna tell you what it means to me, I feel very deeply that this was a wakeup call for me in a very bad time. I was searching for something real about my life to hold on to after I had lost everything. I now feel it doesn’t matter how bad or empty we may be at times there is always someone watching over us . The man in the window picture is 100 percent real …I didn’t do anything to this picture , as I have posted this picture in the past . I have others to prove to myself that there is someone watching over me. It seems the only time this spirit is there is when I’m at a low place or feeling very lonely anyhow I’m not sure who or why but it’s a calming feeling knowing I’m not alone… In time I will post the other pictures I took showing someone or something in the back ground…lol I know it sounds freaky but we are not alone …Thanks to Krista at http://dailypost.wordpress.com for another great prompt …Please check out The Daily Post for this and other prompts …Thanks for reading and Please remember to share, like and comment …it could make someones day…
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There are a few conversations I do wish I’ve never heard and most of them come from when I go shopping . It seems the newer generation doesn’t really care about keeping certain things to themselves. The worst I think I heard was pretty much a confession between two mid 20s males on how they took care of genitals …Voices are at a normal level as they didn’t seem to mind if anyone or who was listening . I kinda just walked away as there were several older lady’s within ear shot . It wasn’t long and I seen a security person walking them to the door . The thing that surprised me is that they actually didn’t think the did anything wrong……hmmmm maybe it’s just me….anyway Thanks for reading ….Thanks to Krista for the great prompts everyday…to see this and other prompts please visit The Daily Post at http://dailypost.wordpress.com
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Ok …. I think we all have heard to treasure the simple things in life. I have experienced a very simple pleasure that a lot of us have seen and never quite realized the beauty that it holds.
Today I went for a walk alone as temperatures rose above the freezing mark for the first time in a few days ..actually first time since we received about 6 inches of snow. As I was looking around taking in the beauty of the snow filled trees , a few pieces of snow fell to the ground… I stopped , in that instant the sound of snow melting , trees unthawing and water sprinkling down to the ground was overwhelming. The volume was at a level that filled the air with natures beauty.
I know in my past I have seen this plenty of times , today my friends was the first day I ever enjoyed this simple pleasure . Thank you all for reading and remember to share, like and comment… A small comment could really make someone’s day….timzauto
Tattoos….. Hmmm I have several and they all have a special meaning to me. Either the tattoo itself or the situation around getting it. There’s one , a name on my back means more to me than any other…it’s an Ambigram it has a friends name right side up and my name upside down… This special friend will always be a part of me
Do you have a tattoo? If so, what’s the story behind your ink? If you don’t have a tattoo, what might you consider getting emblazoned on you skin?
Photographers, artists, poets: show us PERMANENT.
Please visit THE DAILY POST for all of their wonderful prompts…Thanks Krista for your hard work
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On several occasions growing up we as children heard noises that kinda couldn’t be explained . Being children with wide imaginations nothing was really done about it. My parents always said it was just housing noises from the house being a hundred plus years old.
My brothers and sister all had moved as i have been gone for many years. The only time i remember spending here there were several people and nothing really happened . I have recently moved back here on a permanent basis and things seem different . I can always feel a presence in the house , it’s really weird . Items have been moved when no one has been in the room , and last summer a year ago I heard a voice in the garage . I pulled my phone out quickly and snapped this picture .
This photo is the garage window …there is clearly a presence , I showed this picture to my mom and dad . They both told me this looked liked a previous owner of this house . I did a little research on this house and found out a child (Terrance) disappeared from a family that lived here in 1953 . a few years later the man (Theodore Mcmillon) was found dead in the lower bedroom and his wife was never found. I did this research almost a year ago , letting this go due to my job (being mostly out of town during the week) .
I know there are skeptics out there and to tell you the truth I’m not a big believer in ghost story’s …I know what I heard and it happened again…..
I was walking to my vehicle outside our garage door, as soon as I walked out I heard a woman in a low and cracky voice calling out a name … I looked a little closer and I seen a body moving in the yard , so I grabbed my phone and started taking pictures ll over the yard. When the flash went off I seen this body walking slowly …I kept hearing the name Terrance over and over . I didn’t know if I should walk back there so I waited a min and walked slowly back in the yard . I kept hearing this name until I was about 20 feet away from the point the picture was taken . With my skin crawling I walked back into the house . I looked at these pictures and for me this is real …I know what I seen ,I know what I heard…I am continuing my research on this house and town hopefully finding answers to what is happening here…..Thanks for reading …please remember to share , like and comment
Regret…. Hmmm yes , my greatest regret is never finishing high school. I knew everything at that time and just knew I would never use anything that was being taught.. Since this time I have been humbled on several occasions
Schooling for me
Never much cared
Didn’t want to listen
To things being shared
Being a know it all
I was one of the best
Little did I know
I was the center of jest
To this day
I regret no doing
Listening to teachers
About my schooling
Thank you for reading … Please remember to share, like and comment…. Have a great day .. timzauto
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I remember when we were kids , we had so many other kids to run around with….The sounds and smells of winter wandered through our heads all year-long. The sound of snowmobiles were all around us , the smell of cold dry air , it stuck your nose shut. We all had Thanksgiving and Christmas on our minds as the days seemed to last forever. I remember playing outside until my feet went numb never wanting to come inside. The simplicity of our days never-ending with sliding and tunneling through piles of snow was at our height of excitement. Hoping for snow days away from school just so we could get more of our snowy frozen pleasures in. it was the greatest times of my life.
Today I was walking around outside taking in the pleasures of a newly fallen snow , it hit me ….wow there was no one within ear shot ….middle of the day and no kids ….no sounds of snowmobiles , just pure peace. I long for the simple days of my youth , I know I’m not the first to say this ….But today friends is the first day I understood it …Thanks for reading …please remember to share , like and comment …till next time …timzauto..
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A classic … Different shades of light
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I often think to myself… I want to be a scholar , but I’m not a very good student.
Sooo here I am a 50 year old body and the maturity of a 30 year old man . I discontinued all learning for some years due to a long and grueling drug addiction. Maturity it seems suffers as much as physical well being as I don’t think I grew mentally during my abuse.
I have spoke of my addictions to very few people and it has helped me too a certain extent. Now being mentally immature I find myself on a different level than most my age. It is very difficult for me sometime times as I miss out on conversation with others on certain subjects knowing my replies are childlike or I haven’t the vocabulary to keep up. Even in the last few weeks i seems I am attracted to a certain level of person ( I know this type is not good for me) so I am left to myself without an outlet for what I truly want to talk about . I often try to plug myself into realistic conversation versus the dribble most addicts or people I attract have to offer.
I’m not sure what direction to go so I will for now keep plugging away in hopes I will catch up maturity wise to others my age.
Thank you all for reading and god bless… Please share , like, and comment….timzauto
looking at tree limbs covered with snow they bend to the ground a half moon bow I look to the future my path covered in dust what do I do now I think with disgust rusting away ideas thought in waste missing the truth brainwaves displaced mind spinning senseless torn in directions I don't want to go looking at tree limbs all covered in snow
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I’m sitting here thinking , not of the future but of the past. Over and over, I wonder how I could have done things differently or better than I did. It seems to be a plague with me not ever being satisfied with any aspect of my life. I don’t think I’m really unhappy , I’m just surviving rather than living . Joy that comes to most I don’t think I have ever felt. There seems to be no answer as I have been down many avenues to live the dream but have never been successful. I’m not sure what the future holds for me but I can say this….. I’m really not excited about it …….thanks for reading . I do have several poems in the works so stay tuned…
Last week, we had some really great submissions, inspired by the painting, The Boy in the Red Vest by Paul Cezanne. You can read them here.
I am trying to cover different forms of art for the prompts. This week, I bring forth for you a sand sculpture by Sudarshan Pattnaik. It is titled Stop Terrorism.
Terrorism has come to grip so many nations of the world. Many innocent people are killed because of this menace. It must come to an end. Peace is a forgotten word but it must be revived. We all are humans, made of same flesh and blood; then how can we stab that same skin and spill that same blood? How can we tolerate these murders, in the name of religion or geographical boundaries or language?
General guidelines:
1. Write a short story/poem/any other form of creative writing, inspired by the photograph of this…
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